and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize