There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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