News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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