At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
