I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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