I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
