It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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