all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
