Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
