This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
