Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
