your thong is hanging out like whoa
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
