my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
