good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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