i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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