I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
