just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
