He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
