You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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