I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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