There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
