Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
dude. I can hear the air.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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