last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We just shotgunned beers for America
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
