People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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