One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
