she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
