Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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