You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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