woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
