i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
