I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
