yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
