The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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