I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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