Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
