she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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