oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize