i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
