I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
