Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
