problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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