The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
