the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Swine flu is the new snow day.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
