Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
