forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
