Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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