there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
