my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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