In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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