the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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