You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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