he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
