Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
