There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
