remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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