He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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