No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
