uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
