just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
