All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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