Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
