Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize