Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
