I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
