am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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