Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
