so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
