Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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