tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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