My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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