i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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