he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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