Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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