I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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