She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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