Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
